My Blog

bleakness is my twin sister

i'm smitten anew. this was not my plan. i worked hard to forget during the war. "the war is my ally", this was my mantra. i was sure of the success rate, not a hundred percent but it was good. but one night, just like that, what i worked hard for crumbled to pieces for the nth time.

it's a bliss but i can't completely relish the moments.i hold back because what is here and now is undefinable...at least from my perspective.

i want to express myself like i do in my thoughts but i'm constricted by the changing complexion of this everyday encounter and i'm getting insecure and confused. i want a chance at this, and it seems bleakness is again staring right at me.

i hope to be relieved of this confusion. i hope it would be soon.

and...yes...i love the dog.

content being a fly on top of a carabao

it finally happened! and it did at the PICC ground last night. it was a cozy, very Filipino (albeit the italian/french themed cocktail) book launch.

remember i've written pinoy's book launch some few entries. when he first told me about the news of some of his old poems possibility of being published i was elated. last night i was really, really, ecstatic. it was ANI that published his works and he was lined up with the professional writers, freelance and otherwise. the book's very pretty and well very thick. he gave me a copy. it's the last thing i read before i went to bed last night. i woke up today with it on my side.

i hope to be able to finish the entire collection sometime soon.

after the event, pinoy and i had dinner and coffee. in between chews and sips we were talking, talking, talking as usual about life and love and whatever. he was telling me how thankful he is that he has me and our other good friend jon for keeping him cultured. i thought (in fact told him) that it is i who's thankful for the same because it is only he and sometimes joey that sustains my artsy side. i'm so soaked in political matters i'm drifting and drifting away from the arts.

i've told him several times how happy i was about what hapened, with the poems being published and all. he asked me why. i said because i feel like being published myself. i know i can never be a writer.i will never have anything decent to qualify as a work of art and having friends like him successful in this department, makes me proud. i'm afraid it's bordering on dillusion of grandeur, an added bragging right.haha.

then again, like i said i never mind being the fly on top of the carabao. can this qualify as free riding? i'd like to know.

couples watching

i don't if it's just me or what but i find people watching such a stress reliever.

the last two weeks were helluva zombie weeks for me. trying hard to be a good student by finishing my papers or my a** gets busted out of school, i only slept an average of three hours every night.basically a far cry from my usual 8-10 hour slumber not including siesta.

in one of those zombie moments, i had a real treat watching a couple by the bus stop. i was skillfully hiding from the scourging heat of the not so summer sun when across the street i noticed a girl. she's super dressed to kill you can't miss her.she was wearing a ruffly, pop sleeved white polka dotted blouse, slim black pants and a killer white heels.if i remember right, they were peep toe. while i was looking at her, i got disturbed by a couple of guys some few feet at my back. they were half-arguing, half-giggling. the other one super obviously looking the most excited he's ever been. he was like "kiti-kiti" really. moments later he crossed the street. " I knew it " my brain said. it's one of those classic cases of eyeballs. the guy approached the girl, talked to her for a sec and suddenly the girl covered her face with her hankie. she must've hid her face for a good 15 or 20 minutes. i was trying to look closely if she was crying. i thought why would she cry? maybe she got disappointed with her date. after having really groomed herself, this other person didn't even bother to maybe take a shower. honestly the guy looked like he got out of bed and not quite the cute kind that got out of bed if you know what i mean. the y guy kept talking to her, she wasn't responding at all and she still hid her face with the hankie. before i got bored at their drama, i saw them cross the street. midway they held hands. i was smiling. then my bus came.

when in school i usually take my lunch alone ( my classmates come in evenings right in time for class) and i usually dine at the animo cafe. on this particular day towards the end of my zombie week, another couple amused me. there i was peacefully chowing down a rather odd combination of food called ginatang mais and tokwa't baboy when this really pretty girl walked in and approach an equally cute guy. she was trying to hand him an obviously recycled plastic ( i'm all for recycling really). he never accepted it. then they hugged real tight.i thought the girl was gonna go already. hey, they started kissing, lips to lips. then hugged some more.then kissed some more. the girl wasn't leaving. they kepr hugging and kissing ( not torrid ok ) and their hands, they couldn't get them off each other. i was done eating and i felt awkward just watching them. i left. anyway the library was waiting for me.

On the same day, i went to PICC to attend a friend's book launching. i took the hedious orange shuttle from vito cruz to well PICC. directly in fron of me was a couple. i thought they were really sweet. they held hands. the girl was sipping some soda or something from  the famous filipino plastic and straw.she must've consumed over half of the liquid when she handed it the guy. he took it and sipped til the last drop. awesome i thought. that must be love sipping from the same straw and all. if not for his real "dugyot" attitude, i'd really make him a favorite person. he freakin' threw the plastic right outside the shuttle window. it will only be a matter of time before that plastic and straw will reach manila bay where they will kill a couple of fish. well just maybe.